![]() Ultimately, perfectionism exacerbates rather than solves our challenges as sensitive people. We also tend to “play it safe” by sticking to things we excel at to protect ourselves from potential criticism and failure.Īnd while perfectionism can temporarily shield us from criticism and disapproval, it’s a stifling box to live in. We may think we have to earn our worth, which means we’re always chasing external validation and never feeling good enough because we’ve set an impossible standard for ourselves. ![]() There’s no room for errors or flaws and no compassion for mistakes and imperfections. Often, we respond with criticism - we berate ourselves and others for not doing things perfectly.Īnd when we derive our self-worth from our accomplishments, we constantly have to achieve more and more, pushing ourselves to exhaustion and burnout. No matter how hard we work, we can’t live up to our own impossibly high standards and neither can others. When we have unrealistic expectations for ourselves and others, we’re bound to be disappointed. It can also diminish our self-esteem and damage our relationships. It’s exhausting and sometimes debilitating, getting in the way of starting or completing tasks. Perfectionism adds a tremendous amount of pressure. Perfectionism may be an attempt to deal with feeling different, inadequate, and anxious, but it doesn’t work well for most of us - myself included! HSP or not, we may become rigid and controlling because we feel anxious and overwhelmed. And those predisposed to perfectionism may respond by trying to control everything, wanting it to be perfect, and only seeing one “right” way to do things. Often, these fears aren’t even conscious, but they can add to our feelings of overwhelm and anxiety. Underneath perfectionist thoughts and behaviors, there’s usually fear and anxiety - fear of failure, rejection, embarrassment, not being good enough, and so on. Perfectionism Is an Attempt to Feel In Control Achievements become a way for us to fit in and be accepted. And as a result, we often feel inferior and “different.” So we may pour ourselves into work and achievements to prove our worthiness. Unfortunately, HSPs often get the message that their sensitivity is a deficiency or flaw, rather than the asset that it truly is. Perhaps you were teased or told you needed to toughen up, that you were too sensitive or cried too much. Like me, many HSPs grew up feeling different and “less than” due to our heightened sensitivity. ![]() We work incessantly and feel compelled to fix even the smallest of errors and imperfections. So, we set impossibly high standards for ourselves, expecting ourselves and our work to be perfect. We may think if we can do everything right, we’ll be able to avoid criticism and unwanted attention. Perfectionism can be an attempt to protect ourselves from the painful experience of feeling like we’ve made a mistake or done something wrong. ![]() We may want things to be predictable and have difficulty adapting to unexpected changes.Ĭriticism can be especially painful for HSPs, who are wired to process and feel things deeply. It can lead to us worrying quite a bit about what others think of us, being very sensitive to criticism, and going to extremes to avoid being in situations where we might fail, look foolish, or have to try something new. While these traits can give us an edge in many situations, when they get out of control, they can harm us. We tend to be conscientious, detail-oriented, and organized. Perfectionists and HSPs share many of the same traits. Let’s take a look at why some HSPs are prone to perfectionism, plus I’ll share five tips to help you tame it. Without realizing it, I used perfectionism as a way to cope with my high sensitivity and low self-esteem - but it only made things worse. I was deeply affected by anything even remotely sad - movies, books, or news stories about suffering - and I didn’t feel like I fit in. Like many HSPs, I was anxious at school because of the overstimulating noise, bright fluorescent lights, crowded hallways, and pressure to be like everyone else. I was told I was too sensitive and quiet, that I should speak up more, and make more friends. Growing up as a highly sensitive person (HSP), I often felt flawed, inferior, and overwhelmed.
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